Life Like A Movie

wpid-WP4Phone_20140818125841.jpgYou know how psychology tries to explain how the male-female mind works in different situations? Well I’ve had enough of it.

They say women make room for their emotions and as such carry hand bags; and men compartmentalize, hence carry a wallet.
Men are physical beings; women are emotional beings.
Men like to have sex; women would rather eat chocolates and cuddle than have sex.

When a man is stressed and going through some tough times– especially of the financial variety– he looks inward and tries to sort it out himself; women like company. I’m guessing whoever began the expression “misery loves company” was probably thinking women.

So when a man is heartbroken, he wraps the cloak of his pride tight, bows his head in shame and finds a way to sort out himself; perhaps he prays for another loving hand to massage his aching heart once again. Or he takes the less honourable but easier path of becoming a serial flirt, collecting his jar of hearts to grace his trophy shelf.

But when a woman is heart broken, she gathers the fragment, calls the girls, and throws a pity party. Chocolates, ice creams, tissue, a lifetime of hugs and sappy love movies. We talk about how men are pigs; the boyfriend has big smelly feet; his mustache makes him look like wolverine. Then cry some more because none of that’s true. Wish our love life were like the movies and fairytales we love to watch, and become wary of the next man who crosses our path.

But of course that’s if you live in a movie or fairytale and you’re white. If you’re African or most certainly Nigerian, you’d probably keep the story of your heart break hidden from your friends because you spent the last couple of months bragging about how he was the best thing since sliced bread.

We sit and hope the errant party realise what they are missing or have lost in letting us go and pray they come to their senses soon. We dream of that life changing call, where they profess undying love and affection and blame their pride and stupidity for the decisions made, just like the movies.

But you know what, life isn’t a movie.

There are no dark knights charging in on great white stallions. No true loves’ kiss to mend the pieces of shattered dreams. There will be no choreographing our way to happiness. And if the gods of regret happen by our way, the greater gods of pride and tradition, of whom we are conversant, will most likely than not succeed in stuffing our ears with the buds of stubbornness.

Do yourself a favour and invest in actions flicks like The Expendables; while they are just as surreal as their sappy cousins, they are less likely to blur the lines between reality and fiction in a way that will mess you up in the head.

Work on what’s important. Love will come and go, but your happiness will remain if you discover the secret ingredients to cook a pot from within.

Most of all, write your own conclusions and know that the best movie experiences come from those that give our imagination the wings to fly and avail us the opportunity of filling the blanks ourselves.


17 thoughts on “Life Like A Movie

  1. Holistic Wayfarer August 28, 2014 / 1:56 am

    Interesting. Would you say Nigerians are more sensitive to shame than white Americans are? Because that is one thing I’ve observed about Americans – it’s a keen difference in white vs Asian churches. Caucasians are more open about their struggles and sins – they’ll even talk of ones like adultery in public testimonies. Of course there’s a lot of saving face in Asian cultures, esp the Korean.

    Always enjoy your writing. =)


    • uju August 28, 2014 / 3:10 pm

      Africans and Asians are a lot alike than I thought then. We are very private people when it comes to our problems–major reason why Nigerians don’t mind bad-mouthing themselves, but once an outsider gets involved we unite against the common enemy πŸ™‚

      Love having you around.


  2. juliesokol August 20, 2014 / 7:37 am

    I’m glad you don’t agree with stereotypes, cos most of them are based on western research and do not necessarily apply to every culture in the world. besides gender stereotypes are personal constructs-someone came up with them in order to explain or make sense of behaviour in their particular world-that doesn’t qualify their ideas to become universal. I do hate ‘boxes’ as I’m sure you can tell, people act like people-regardless of whether they are male or female, that’s a theory I’m happy to live with. πŸ™‚


    • uju August 20, 2014 / 10:51 am

      I don’t think people are quite different all over the world. While the life of an individual is shaped by nature, nurture and environmental factors, i believe there are certain behaviours that cut across culture and race.
      My major issue with stereotypes lies more in the knowledge that (some) people completely generalise and don’t take the time to study an individual as a separate entity even though we have interconnecting root system–various people may grow in the same place with the same factors affecting them, but what I fund most fascinating is how albeit similar experiences, people turn out differently. It’s the difference i love to look out for.

      Thanks for your brilliant input, Julie; you just gave me a food for thought and really good blogging idea πŸ™‚

      Liked by 1 person

  3. Little Miss Menopause August 20, 2014 / 5:41 am

    You do know that your way with words is extremely offbeat and therefore quite riveting, right? I just read your age on LivelyTwist’s post and I must say I was stunned. I have always felt your writing is weighted with wisdom, wit and panache, three things I have always associated with an age well beyond yours. Remarkable! Ps. Oh and enjoyed this post tremendously!


    • uju August 20, 2014 / 10:44 am

      Liol thank you Stephanie! I’m quite accustomed to getting reactions like this with respect to my age πŸ˜€
      I’m glad you enjoyed it.

      P.S. I see we’re back to spelling your name the right way πŸ˜‰


  4. ericjbaker August 19, 2014 / 1:08 am

    Making fun of a guy by saying he looks like Wolverine isn’t making fun of him. Most guys would be like, “Yeah?” Then they’d go stand in front of a full-length mirror, pivot this way and that, and say, “You know, she’s right. I DO look like Wolverine.” High fives! I prefer to think I look like Captain America, but only from very strange angles that are almost impossible to replicate.

    You’re too adorable to be sad, Uju. I imagine a long line of suitors, whether or not that makes you happy.

    Liked by 1 person

    • uju August 19, 2014 / 7:12 am

      Huh. The only thing Wolverine’s got working for him is his butt.

      I’m not sad–not quite. Just tired and trying to centre myself.
      Thank you for your kind words all the same πŸ™‚ I’m still trying to find the Captain America in you, and my mind is imagining very odd angles πŸ˜€


  5. livelytwist August 18, 2014 / 6:25 pm

    I giggled a lot while reading this. I think that love and heartbreak are the same, whether in Nigeria, Tokyo, or America πŸ™‚


    • uju August 18, 2014 / 7:02 pm

      Good. I had a frown marring the perfect sculpture of my face while writing this πŸ˜€

      I think that love and heartbreak’s the same everywhere, since we’re talking the universal language of emotions here. What i believe differs is the way it’s expressed. Africans, I’ve come to learn are a very proud race; our Western sisters on the other hand, tend to wear their emotions on their sleeves. Did you watch the qualifying match of the Germans against Brazil?

      Liked by 1 person

      • livelytwist August 18, 2014 / 7:10 pm

        The girls I know cried when heartbroken, they wore their emotions on their sleeve. Are we the exception? You tend to think so . . . and you may be right, after all, we say, suffering and smiling πŸ™‚


      • uju August 18, 2014 / 7:21 pm

        The girls you know are a rare exception.

        “after all, we say, suffering and smiling”– that’s the Nigerian spirit πŸ˜‰


    • pkboo August 19, 2014 / 8:22 am

      I agree… i found the line about only nigerian ladies bragging about their boyfys funny..otherwise well written and Quirky as usual..


    • uju August 18, 2014 / 6:45 pm

      Glad you agree πŸ™‚


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