Over the years I’ve listened to
Nigerian men whine about how impossible it is to get a woman who will walk into a relationship with them when they are still struggling with their finances.
I have heard so many others term this ‘gold-digging’ and more so that women are not loyal (thank you Chris Brown).
This isn’t me saying that is an unfair generalization…by no means. It’s just a basic rule men do not understand and women are not willing/ready to admit.
Even with the rapid growth and rape of feminism, and the pseudo demise of misogynism/sexism, gender roles still exist.
Men have and will always be the providers and creators; women will always nurture and preserve. None of that has changed.
Now a man seeking a mate need to be able to provide something; irrespective of whether he is wanting her for sexual pleasure (that’s your business) or for a serious long term (and I mean marriage) relationship. Something must give.
It is about security.
All through the animal kingdom, security has always been paramount to females. A Lioness will lure two males into combat and then chose the one who stayed closest to her, shielding her while fighting.
A male is the provider. He is the one who must keep his female and whatever future offspring they beget safe. Security may be physical, emotional and financial (if she is just your girlfriend then this is your prerogative) and even safety from themselves.
That is who a woman looks out for when she chooses a mate.
Never mind if she earns a million bucks more than you do, so long your income can avail her a comfortable life, then you are almost suitable.
But a man may be broke today and have potential to make wealth tomorrow.
While potential in itself is good, it doesn’t hold much water when actions and fruitfulness is not visible. I am sorry but there have been people who have spent years waiting for the men they believe in to get comfortable enough to take them down the aisle, only for that time to elude them while the biological clock ticks faster, his dreams haven’t begun to see the light of day, and society has its slimy hands down her throat.
Albeit there are few occasions when the afore mentioned may work (1) Where age is on the her side while you pursue a career for yourself (say, 20:25 ratio). This way there is ample time on both sides to allow for activity without pressure. (2) She’s aging rapidly, has a lot of money on her hands to cater for you two, and just wants to get out of the singles’ club. (3) She has no plans to get permanently tied down in the nearest future. (4) There are no better alternatives. (5) She does not give a damn about society. If you get this one then be sure to put a ring on it. But not to confuse this, (5) is an exception to the general rule.
It’s nothing personal
Women have just been wired to think security and look forward to motherhood. It’s the reason we play house at an early age, psychologically edging towards nurturing. Perhaps the same reason men play with toy guns too. I cannot explain this need any more than a man can explain his need to possess, nor Hugh Heffner his addiction to a mansion filled with beautiful naked females.
There is a huge difference between gold-digging and seeking financial security. This is not about gold-digging. If up to this moment you think it is, then I cannot help your situation.
It is unfair to demand that a woman be emotionally invested in you when you have nothing to offer (to her satisfaction) and then turn around to call her a witch when things don’t work out well. Think of your need, and think of hers too.
No man should actively seek a serious relationship if he does not have a steady flow of income. You are just setting yourself up for failure.
Women are supposed to be helpers. Adam had a job–to give the animals a name– and God provided him Eve to help out. A seed must be in the soil, you must labour to water, and when it begins to grow you can find a woman who will help nurture it to fruitfulness. However, when it is time to go hunting, be sure to choose a woman who understands wealth preservation and does not take the term oriaku literally.
There is a reason we have one body and different functional parts.
Should these roles ever overlap, don’t get too comfortable there. Find a way to get it back on track or someone is going to start feeling used and worn out.
Culture and society have never been completely fair to anyone. Chin up and swallow your pills.
This is turning into a long assed epistle so I’m going to stop now.
Questions, Comments….Rage? Use the pretty box below.