A Tale Of Bobby

He was virginal white, full of life and every bit active. I fell utterly in love the first day we met.

Aunt had just come home from a very busy day at work and we went out to welcome her and bring in the bags. I usually didn’t take part in the boot-clearing-bag-carrying ritual because the parents were the only ones older than I was. It was family tradition to leave work like this for the younger kids.

After a few minutes I came out to loud exclamations from the younger kids. They all stood gathered round an object, and were  obviously fascinated by what they saw. Curious, I took a few steps closer to see what had put the spark in their eyes… that was when I met him. Adorable, ginormous, probably obese creature. I named him Bobby.

Bobby like I mentioned earlier was full of life. He made himself quite comfortable at home. He knew all the entrances to the house, and would on certain occasions find his way into the store in the kitchen. I assumed he was pecking away at crumbs left by my feisty little cousin. Sometimes Bobby would strut into the living room clucking like he paid the rent and we were mere visitors. I remember fondly one such occasion.

PHCN had struck again in the early hours of the night and the living room was without a light source. Being quite comfortable in darkness and knowing like the back of my palm every nook of the house, I didn’t bother walking with one. I made my way to sit at the dinning table (which is my favourite spot) when I felt this cool rush of  breeze on my bare legs. I smiled in contentment thanking God for such small wonders (having the wind blow on your bare legs is an awesome feeling). This went on for a few minutes with only a brief intermittent pause before the next rush came, when suddenly something stabbed me on the foot. I yelled an ouch and jumped up from my very comfortable sit, when I heard what was unmistakably Bobby’s cluck. All these while he had been busy having the time of his life under the dinning table and apparently I was interrupting and crowding him. It would seem my brief cooling sensation was actually a ‘back off I got here first’ warning which I failed  to decode and so being what he was, he went violent. I flung open the door, and poked him with a cane till he found his way back out in the cold– after making me chase him round the sitting room.

That’s how comfortable Bobby made himself. He didn’t mind at all that he was actually an early Easter gift from a family friend, and that we were someday going to have to eat him. No, he didn’t mind at all. He just took control of his environment and the house. In fact he almost became a Dog. Whenever we left the gate carelessly open, he’d take a walk down the Close and still find his way back home for a drink of water and feed. We all loved Bobby.

Then came the day Aunty had to kill him. I begged and pleaded that Bobby’s life be spared. I forgot that he annoyed me consistently every morning when he would deliberately choose to make his morning cry below my window. I forgot that he would walk into the living room and leave his mark with that horrid stench. I forgot that I had the duty of feeding him every morning. I forgot all that, I just wanted Bobby to live. But Aunt wouldn’t hear of it. She chased him down– and he did try to escape, my obese friend– and caught him. She held him down with a foot on his wings, and the other on his bond feet. She pulled out the pristine white feathers on his long bulging neck with a knife she had carefully sharpened. Then she cut him. Bobby jerked, trying to suck in as much air as his severed wind pipe could hold. His blood spilled out on the pavement, rich in color and thick. The spot beneath his throat rose and fell as slowly life seeped out of him. Then it was over. Bobby was dead.

Aunt dipped him into a basin of steaming hot water and peeled off his feathers. Then she made me hold each piece of him as she cut off huge chunks of meat from that obese body. I stared in wonder. I had never seen such amount of meat come out of one creature. It was a good thing she didn’t make me cook him. I was feeling guilty enough that I let her kill him, and she made me hold his flesh for mutilatation.

In a few hours Bobby was ready. I wasn’t going to partake– No. I wasn’t going to betray what we had by joining in that unholy feast. I was going to stay true and mourn dear Bobby. But I was weak. The aroma from the  pot was too tempting. I resisted the urge for as long as I could, but my body and rumbling belly would have none of that. An hour later, I was cracking bones and sucking out marrows. Bobby was absolutely delicious.

We’ve had many come and go after Bobby. There was Hansel and Gretel– the twins, Rose– who ran away, Peter, Paul, Maryann and a lot more that I took no particular interest in. But none of them could ever match up to Bobby. Not in beauty, perfection, size, nor brains… and yes, let’s not forget taste.

In loving memory of Bobby– pal extraordinaire. Entertainer. Irritant. Pest. Food.

chicken image and tales.jpg
This is an old photo of Bobby from 2010 when all the skill I had in photography was the combined effort of a 2MP mobile camera and bad lighting 😀 Goes without saying eh. Forgive the poor quality; had to dig into facebook archive to find it.
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52 thoughts on “A Tale Of Bobby

  1. teeceecounsel January 31, 2016 / 8:15 am

    When I began reading, I was almost convinced that Bobby was a rival.
    He seemed to have all the attention that I silently desire from you. Smiles.
    But, Alas! Bobby turns out to be a chicken.
    Wow!
    The personification was so strong and the suspense so intense.
    You are good!

    Like

    • uju January 31, 2016 / 4:49 pm

      Your rival? Looool!
      I like the picture of you competing with a chicken though 😛

      Thank you. Glad you like it ^^

      Liked by 1 person

  2. christinadrh October 25, 2015 / 12:43 am

    Amen, R.I.P. Bobby- Really funny! Reminds me of a James Taylor song about a pig pal, “Too old to eat, too big to keep, open your eyes, I got a 12 gage surprise waiting for you…”

    Like

    • uju October 25, 2015 / 1:22 pm

      What will we be without our pet pals 😀

      Liked by 1 person

  3. creatingahome September 30, 2015 / 5:00 pm

    You write very well. Look forward to reading more from you.

    Like

    • uju September 30, 2015 / 11:12 pm

      Aww thank you 🙂
      I hope you stick around.

      Liked by 1 person

  4. Holistic Wayfarer July 28, 2015 / 3:56 pm

    You are just getting more and more fun.
    “Bobby was absolutely delicious.”

    This would make a great children’s book, Uju. (….wheels turning???)

    I trust I made it just before the rotten tomatoes that’ll be flying from the vegans and vegetarians. I’m outa here.

    Liked by 1 person

    • uju July 28, 2015 / 9:14 pm

      …wheels turning 🙂
      Lol you’re safe here

      Like

  5. livelytwist July 24, 2015 / 3:54 pm

    Lol, poor Bobby, the ‘fattened’ bird 🙂
    Nice one.

    Like

  6. Nedoux July 20, 2015 / 7:25 pm

    Ah! My sides ache from laughing so hard. At first I thought Bobby was a Dog, then I saw he was a cock that thought he was a Dog.

    Reminds me of my childhood and the many chickens befriended for a day before the Christmas, New year and Easter feast.

    Nicely written Uju 😀

    Like

    • uju July 20, 2015 / 8:47 pm

      I had a cockerel that liked to play make believe 🙂 Funny he looked and weighed more than a puppy. Smart too from all indications.

      Why do children do this to themselves, play and love potential food? 😀 The bonds we build…

      Liked by 1 person

  7. Phaena July 17, 2015 / 10:36 pm

    This is a really beautiful story.I thought it was fiction at first though till I realized who Bobby was. I think I won’t name any fowls to avoid guilt.: D

    Liked by 1 person

    • uju July 17, 2015 / 10:46 pm

      hehehe. That’s probably the best decision you can make. You name your food and it becomes a pet. Then you have to eat your pet… always messy and sentimental lol.

      Liked by 1 person

  8. Charles Chidera July 17, 2015 / 6:57 pm

    Hahahahahaha!!!! You need to see how i paid attention while reading this to know what between you and Bobby. I thought bobby is a human being……. So you can’t hold you throat? You have betray bobby…… Keep it dear……..

    Like

    • uju July 17, 2015 / 7:32 pm

      Hahahaha! More discombobulated people looool. Love the reaction. As for Bobby, what can I say? It’s always better not to play with your food.

      Thanks for following and stopping by 🙂

      Like

  9. A.PROMPTreply July 17, 2015 / 6:11 pm

    Such stories you craft and your words paint such pictures but this ending….totally unexpected. How short-lived was her loyalty….only ’til her stomach growled! LOL.

    Liked by 1 person

    • uju July 17, 2015 / 7:03 pm

      When nature calls, loyalty flees 😀 Glad you liked it.

      Liked by 1 person

    • uju July 17, 2015 / 5:30 pm

      Thank you, Tola ^ ^

      Like

      • tolawrites July 17, 2015 / 5:32 pm

        You’re welcome Uju. Now I know the ‘pet’ to get for you.

        Like

        • uju July 17, 2015 / 5:42 pm

          Hahaha. So long it’s one I won’t be tempted to eat in a moment of weakness 😀

          Like

          • tolawrites July 17, 2015 / 5:47 pm

            Lol…. It will be so small you won’t think of eating it in a hurry.

            Like

        • uju July 17, 2015 / 5:54 pm

          Hah! Tola wants to buy me a chick 😮 You won’t be that cruel, will you? 😦

          Liked by 1 person

          • tolawrites July 17, 2015 / 6:03 pm

            Haahaahaaaa…. It’s a ‘pet’ you seem to like dear. I will make sure its as white as Bobby.

            Like

            • uju July 17, 2015 / 7:00 pm

              Dogs. I like dogs better… Please please please?

              Like

              • tolawrites July 17, 2015 / 7:11 pm

                So I’m guessing you have a dog. Why not give us a post about it.

                Like

                • uju July 17, 2015 / 7:30 pm

                  That one is a terror.
                  Perhaps I will someday 😀

                  Like

                • tolawrites July 17, 2015 / 7:35 pm

                  Lol…. I guess that’s why I don’t like dogs.
                  I always wish to have an elephant or hippopotamus though, probably cos they always look calm.

                  Like

                • tolawrites July 17, 2015 / 8:39 pm

                  Uju, thanks for this Eye-opener. I will definitely go for a female hippo, and as for the elephant, It will know my name…. Lol

                  Liked by 1 person

                • uju July 17, 2015 / 9:01 pm

                  LOL!! Glad I could help 😀

                  Liked by 1 person

  10. Tw0 July 17, 2015 / 2:35 pm

    I actually did not know what Bobby was until the feathers part. Lol. Really, chicken can blow breeze? Good writing.

    Like

    • uju July 17, 2015 / 5:30 pm

      Oh they do! You should stand close to a Cock flapping its feathers… Pure bliss.

      Thanks 😀 I’d hope Bobby’s identity would leave someone discombobulated a while.

      Liked by 1 person

      • Tw0 July 17, 2015 / 5:45 pm

        I sure will. And it’s perfect timing – just when i was thinking of buying a fan. I could buy a cock and suspend it from my roof and when i get through the hot night in the morning i’ll eat him. *grinning.* I also like the way you make out time to reply all the comments on your blog, it endears you to your readers like moi.

        Liked by 1 person

        • uju July 17, 2015 / 5:51 pm

          Lmao!! Now that’s funny 😀 Okay, I agree they’re a better alternative– no lack of power supply and all. But God they smell! And the growing will probably save you battery for an alarm clock or maybe your Nokia torch’s battery lol… still… They smell! And they taste so good too 😀

          Liked by 1 person

          • Tw0 July 17, 2015 / 5:53 pm

            Weighing the pros and the cons, i think i’ll just buy a cheap perfume alongside, and Voilá! Problem solved. 🙂

            Like

        • uju July 17, 2015 / 5:57 pm

          Just be sure to suspend a bucket beneath it’s erm… rectum. The though of flying shit all over your face as you sleep does seem appealing though 😀

          P.S I’m glad you like it here 🙂 There would be no conversation if it were one-way. I’m staring at your blog right now! How come I’ve never found you?

          Like

          • Tw0 July 17, 2015 / 6:06 pm

            Thief! You stole that question from my mind. But i am glad that i have now. 🙂 And the rectum thing, i’ll perfom my first surgery on it, i’ll ligate it. And just when it can take no more i’ll kill it. Please don’t let any animal right activist see this, please.

            Like

            • uju July 17, 2015 / 7:01 pm

              Your tale of horror is safe here *lips sealed*

              Like

  11. Adaeze July 17, 2015 / 7:08 am

    Lol! I had to laugh first. I really liked the end… how you finally succumbed to eating Bobby 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

  12. Lizzieebunoluwa September 25, 2014 / 4:24 pm

    Hahaha! I loved this Uju. Thank you running me through a gamut of emotions with this beautiful story.

    Don’t stop writing.

    Like

    • uju September 25, 2014 / 4:29 pm

      😀

      Never!

      Like

  13. olisakwerah September 15, 2014 / 7:08 am

    Haha! That would be like ‘Toni Morrison’ reading Onuora Nzekwu’s work. As much as I read, i’m a complete novice at writing. I registered d blog so I’d hav easier access to urs.

    Yea, ur writing has become deeper with time, but I just love this piece. May be it’s the setting or the way u initially masked Bobby’s identity or the humour at the end of the story. Everything kind of jelled for me.

    Uju pls come out of the closet, you’l be doing the world a favour. (I’m dead serious)

    Like

    • uju September 15, 2014 / 10:07 am

      You’ll never know how good you are until you try.

      I’m working on getting out of the closet. Thank you again 🙂

      Liked by 1 person

  14. olisakwerah September 13, 2014 / 8:49 pm

    This is one of the best pieces here. Beautiful, simple, free-flowing style. You remind me of the likes of; Zainab Alkali, Elechi Amadi, Chkwuemeka Ike and Ken Saro wiwa. I have a thing for easy-to-read, caprtivating writing. No wonder ‘Painted House’ is my favourite Grisham.

    Like

    • uju September 14, 2014 / 11:12 pm

      Hah! Thank you, Olisa.
      This is one of my earliest piece too, and could use a tweak here and there. I’m thinking a rewrite; heaven knows my writing has improved a great deal since i began this blog.

      You honour me with your words as always.

      P.S Noticed you registered a blog. I’m looking forward to reading when you decide to post 🙂

      Like

  15. olisakwerah September 13, 2014 / 8:30 pm

    Had to come back here and leave a comment. This is one of my favourites. Your writing is as easy to read as it is captivating. Reminds me of: Elechi Amadi, Chukwuemeka Ike and Ken-Saro wiwa. I have a thing for simple, free-flowing writing. No wonder ‘Painted House’ is my best Grisham.

    Like

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