Alive, Barely Breathing

writing quote

27

The days past since my last post on a pet friend turned food. The stats tell me you’ve visited weekly, especially Sundays and Fridays. Everyday my Reader and mailbox flood with new posts from other blogs and websites I follow– I wonder how they write, where their inspiration and drive comes from. One word comes back each time, discipline.

According to Brian Tracy, discipline is doing what you need to do, even when you don’t feel like it. Timi likes to write about this and sustaining momentum—I think it’s an admirable thing, being able to push yourself to do the necessary. One of the biggest problems of my life is keeping to something. You’d declare me mad for writing that now seeing as I’ve kept this blog for over a year and stuck to writing one of the most life-sapping exams of my existence lately. Indiscipline should not exist in my vocabulary yet sometimes it seems that’s my enemy.

Few weeks ago I read a post on Holistic Wayfarer’s blog. Where does your writing fit in the scheme of your life? Is it hobby, work, life, cathartic, fun?

I’ve thought about that—what writing is for me. Writing isn’t fun. Nope. It’s not hobby; I’d rather read a book. It’s neither work nor sums up my being. There are a number of things capable of filling those slots. For me, this is air; the cut I bleed through. When the voices in my head refuse to shut up, I write. When my eyes see too much, I write. When my heart is heavy, I write. When the injustice around me becomes too much to bear, I rip the Buffon behind it in the comfort of my ink.
At this rate when I’m married dear future husband might have to keep his eyes peeled for epistles in sheets from a troubled future wife. Just because.

There is a backlog of unwritten trouble. The people in my close circle have been supportive and I love them dearly for this. Sometimes though this thing around my neck squeezes a little tighter, and I don’t think it will go away until I write and do something I’ve toyed with for a while now—stick the pages in a bottle and let it float across the Atlantic… or sink. It’s a very cliché thing to do, but it does seem like fun. Briefly considered burning, but when have I ever been able to let written words die? It’s sacrilege.
What ritual would you do with your pages if you had to write something cathartic?

On a lighter note;
I signed up for a course on WordPress about brand building… or something similar; then didn’t follow-up. I’m blaming indiscipline, disinterest or the world was too much with me.

Also been toying with new themes for the blog– can’t seem to settle. Perhaps you could help. I’ve vacillated between Motif and Highwind and… searching. I’d like to go grey (no colours.) What do you think?

The news is downright disturbing lately; reports of rape, violence and sexual crimes against women and children. The madness in the world now is capable of taking the shine from your perfect day. On the one hand I think people have gone mad and these things are end-time signs; on the other I think maybe this isn’t entirely a bad thing—the news. Bad things have gone on for decades, if there’s so much of it hitting the news now then it can also mean people are speaking up and becoming vigilant with our children. The latter gives me a modicum of hope; the former depresses.

Well, guess I’ll be seeing you. Do tell me how you’ve been and what pages of your life this hermit has missed.

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46 thoughts on “Alive, Barely Breathing

  1. Thinkdigest February 4, 2016 / 4:35 am

    wow you’ve got a way with words. Love your write-ups. Just bummed into them recently and boy! they’ve been A-OK. Feels good to connect with fellow blogger and a Nigerian prodigy too. You’ve got a nice blog. Have a great day
    much love, George

    Like

    • uju February 4, 2016 / 8:49 am

      Hi George, how nice of you to flutter my way 🙂
      Thanks for your kind words and i look forward to greater conversations with you.

      Liked by 1 person

  2. christinadrh October 25, 2015 / 12:31 am

    I write by hand in a notebook for about 2 hours every morning, whatever comes to mind, it doesn’t matter. I don’t worry about spelling, structure, wicked thoughts, good thoughts, dreams-whatever. Then I put the pages in a shredder. Then I start my day. I feel incomplete if I miss a day. Try it. It greases the wheels.

    Like

    • uju October 25, 2015 / 1:17 pm

      Sounds good. Only I’m too tired to try writing for 2hrs daily only to shred it 😀
      But seems like good mental exercise so I’ll give it a shot. Thanks

      Liked by 1 person

  3. Jean September 30, 2015 / 12:47 am

    I don’t consider blogging a chore….because I don’t do it that often. Meaning 1-2 times per month. So um..maybe a tip.

    Keep well uju. You’ll get your blogging mojo back.

    Like

    • uju September 30, 2015 / 11:12 pm

      Of course and everytime you come back it’s with a bang! 🙂

      Thanks Jean.

      Like

  4. Afam4eva September 7, 2015 / 5:30 pm

    Uju, it’s nice to see your blog moving from grace to even more grace. Keep it up.

    Like

    • uju September 7, 2015 / 7:29 pm

      Thanks Afam 🙂

      Like

  5. Holistic Wayfarer August 29, 2015 / 3:20 am

    I hate it when I miss or don’t get a pingback. Thanks for the mention, U. I hope you’re feeling better. I don’t even think it’s discipline for bloggers. Blogging isn’t something you hAVE to do, like academics or a job. It’s a glad (or passionate) compulsion for most of us. And it’s ok to be where you are. No one said our blog has to run a certain pace or BE anything. Just tend the garden of your heart and the writing will come. Sometimes it will be the rain upon the soil of your heart. Other times the words will bloom as life happens upon them.

    Xxx
    D.

    Like

    • uju September 6, 2015 / 3:21 pm

      “Sometimes it will be the rain upon the soil of your heart. Other times the words will bloom as life happens upon them.”—-

      So poetic. Thank you, Diana 🙂

      Like

  6. Nedoux August 21, 2015 / 2:17 am

    Hello Uju,

    Writer’s block, -the drops of nothingness that no writer wants raining on their parade 😀 . Ah! It poured heavily on me for nearly 6 months and then I dried myself with a huge fluffy towel after I received inspiration in May. Thankfully, I’ve kept at it since then.

    I totally agree, it takes discipline to stick to it and churn out engaging content frequently.

    In my case, I’ve learned that my blog has 3 sets of readers, the ones who come for the Musings, the ones who come for the Sewing process and the ones who come for the Finished garment. I try to produce content that engages all 3.

    Well written post!

    Like

    • uju August 21, 2015 / 9:30 pm

      Oh yeah I noticed the gap between posts on your site, but this isn’t writer’s block here. I’ve just been mentally out of my element (sorta).

      Good work on your blog btw. It’s refreshing 🙂

      Liked by 1 person

      • Nedoux August 21, 2015 / 10:08 pm

        Hey,

        I am glad to hear that it’s not writer’s block, and I hope you get your mojo back soon. 🙂

        I sincerely appreciate your kind words.

        Have a lovely weekend.

        Like

  7. blaqaffairs August 18, 2015 / 11:27 pm

    Well we all need discipline to stick to the chosen part especially when it gets hard. I get all these words and feelings swirling around in my head but when it comes time to put them down, I don’t follow through. So this month I joined a friend on a month long blogging challenge. It’s whooping my ass already but I’m determined to follow it through to the end. Keep on keeping on!

    Like

    • uju August 19, 2015 / 2:58 am

      I don’t think I could manage blogging everyday (I can’t even manage writing that many times). Kudos to you for trying. Discipline lol.

      Keep on keeping on. I keep telling myself this. Just keep on keeping on.
      Thanks! 🙂

      Like

      • blaqaffairs August 19, 2015 / 9:10 am

        Yeah, well. I’m on holiday but still it’s hard, enough. I just want to see it to it’s end.

        Like

        • uju August 19, 2015 / 11:44 pm

          You’re teaching at your PPA? I love your discipline 🙂

          Like

            • uju August 20, 2015 / 12:10 am

              Cool. I ran away from that during NYSC, only to go back to teaching kids in the community part-time *rolls eyes at myself*

              Like

              • blaqaffairs August 20, 2015 / 6:08 am

                What did you do then during your service year?

                Like

                • uju August 20, 2015 / 9:49 am

                  Got posted to the LG secretariat which meant I was idle. But I also got firsthand experience how those thieves loot their federal allocation with such impunity.

                  Like

                • blaqaffairs August 20, 2015 / 8:53 pm

                  Yeah. That’s a sore firsthand knowledge to acquire while serving your fatherland.
                  We should talk more. Email me your no.

                  Like

  8. cisteksys August 18, 2015 / 4:42 am

    Writers are prophet, they beyond the ordinary, the day you (UJU) stop writing you are dead. Empty the vessel in you

    Like

    • uju August 18, 2015 / 7:22 am

      Wow. No one’s ever called me a prophet before. Thanks! I intend to die empty 😉

      Like

  9. clickpresh August 17, 2015 / 7:52 pm

    So I thought to share this post, hoping your future husband will see it and read that part that concerns him as he preps to a life of keeping his eyes peeled for epistles in sheets from a troubled future wife…

    Hope you blasted your exam??

    Like

    • uju August 18, 2015 / 7:22 am

      Lol I’m sure he’s grateful 😀

      Sure I did. There’s more ahead.

      Like

  10. livelytwist August 16, 2015 / 5:14 pm

    Hi Uju, thanks for the shout out. When it comes to writing or anything else in life, I’ve found that passion isn’t enough because it can dip. So, yeah discipline …

    How was writing one of the most life-sapping exams of your existence? That sounds like a valid excuse for your absence.

    Liked by 1 person

    • uju August 16, 2015 / 9:03 pm

      I’m starting to get the hang of being disciplined.

      Still life-sapping, but going well 🙂

      Liked by 1 person

  11. A.PROMPTreply August 13, 2015 / 7:46 pm

    Oh, am very glad to see you back……your uniqueness has been missed!

    Like

    • uju August 14, 2015 / 7:29 am

      Oh thank you dear 🙂 I’ve missed seeing you too, but your pictures still light up my day.

      Liked by 1 person

  12. Adaeze August 13, 2015 / 3:55 pm

    Truth is most writers are not disciplined, it’s ironic because we need it most.
    Like George said, you can flat out write! Whatever theme or font you choose to write in is just effizy.
    Missed you plenty jare…

    Liked by 1 person

    • uju August 13, 2015 / 5:06 pm

      Ada you’re indisciplined too? Cool I feel we’re bonding over something 😀
      I remember you began a serialized short story on your WP blog some time ago. I also recall reading the first installment and was looking forward to the rest. Never saw the rest. What happened? Did you just stop or your updates haven’t been hitting my mailbox?

      Liked by 1 person

  13. Tw0 August 13, 2015 / 11:29 am

    You know, I literally lost a whole semester because I was depressed, the news depressed me. With headlines like “over 200 girls kidnapped from a Nigerian school,” it was all i could do not to run mad. But just when i thought I was losing it, I picked up my pen and that’s when blogging started. I realised that I could always put my burdens on paper and that made me feel better. But then, all my post were just too sad that reading them seemed to make me sad. Lol. Even my readers became sad. 😂. So I devised a means to lessen the sadness. I just used euphemisms and metaphors. So yes, you should write often. It’s therapy. And about the theme, just pick any one that appeals to you; this is coming from someone who’s used almost all the free themes on wordpress. So, I’ll be expecting your writing to flood my reader, soon. Very soon. Like now! 😨😃

    Liked by 2 people

    • uju August 13, 2015 / 2:16 pm

      Hahaha you are hilarious Kingsley 😀 Our stories are similar. I began writing right after the ALUU 3 massacre 2012. I was so disturbed I opened an online diary and emptied my heart there. Since then I’ve never stopped writing. Perhaps I’ll tell about this writing journey 🙂
      But really, dude, you’re something sha. Feeling sad that you’re writing sad stuff oh lawd 😀

      Sheesh I should have known you guys won’t be helpful with this theme choice :-\ This is my 5th theme or so since I started this blog. And I’m kinda attached to it.

      Like

      • Tw0 August 13, 2015 / 2:57 pm

        I can see why you would be attached. It’s very simple, and simple has an allure to it in a world where everything has a sophisticated edge to it. I like it too.

        Like

        • uju August 13, 2015 / 4:58 pm

          Very apt. I think it’s a perfect reflection of my personality. Simplicity and the cool blue made an interesting mix.

          Are you writing anything ‘disturbing’?

          Liked by 1 person

            • uju August 14, 2015 / 7:30 am

              I’m trying to ascertain how often your mind cooks up stories like that 😀

              Liked by 1 person

              • Tw0 August 14, 2015 / 8:21 pm

                Okay. Well, i think it, my mind, does that when ever i am depressed or really sad or just really bored. Yes most of my recent posts have been written in the lecture hall whilst i waited for the lecturer or even when i am on a bus or a car going somewhere far.

                Liked by 1 person

  14. makagutu August 13, 2015 / 7:47 am

    i have missed you darling. Really missed you. We don’t talk like we used to 😦
    As long as you keep writing, any theme will do just fine.
    Nothing new really been well. And news, I don’t bother with it most of the time

    Liked by 1 person

    • uju August 13, 2015 / 2:02 pm

      And I’ve missed you and our mails, Mak xx
      I try to stay away from the news like you; my tv never goes beyond Nickelodeon, History channel and NatGeo, but some of the forums I follow have the news on their home pages. It’s like everywhere I go smack! It hits me in the face. So sad.

      Lol you’re sweet hun, but I’d really love to change the look of things here. Who knew redecorating could be hard work? 😦

      Like

      • makagutu August 13, 2015 / 4:08 pm

        You should write hun.
        Redecorating is hard especially when the choices are many

        Like

        • uju August 13, 2015 / 4:56 pm

          Reminds me of the Paradox of Choice. There are some interesting articles surrounding the subject of choice and how man is affected by too many options. I’ll look them up 😉

          Like

  15. George August 13, 2015 / 2:47 am

    I’ve missed you, uju. I don’t care what theme you use or what topics you choose to write about because at the end of the day what cannot be denied is that you can flat out write. You have the kind of gift I enjoy opening each time you post. So whenever you find the time to write, I’ll find the time to read your thoughts. 😊 stay well.

    Liked by 3 people

    • uju August 13, 2015 / 6:45 am

      Thank you, George 🙂
      Pray tell, how have you been? Any more snack hunt with your girls?

      Like

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